There’s a quiet habit many of us have that doesn’t look like fear - but absolutely is.

We tell ourselves we’ll do the thing when we feel more confident. When we’re calmer. When we’re healed. When we’re clearer. When life isn’t so hectic. When we’ve become a more ‘together’ version of ourselves.

People often talk about imagining a ‘higher version’ of ourselves, the evolved self, that one who knows what she’s doing. And we put her on a pedestal.

And then we wait.

The problem with the ‘Higher Self’ idea

I have imagined my higher self a lot over the last few years and the idea itself can be useful…until it isn’t.

Somewhere along the way, it quietly turns into a benchmark we’re always measuring ourselves against. An idealised version of who we should be before we allow ourselves to take risks, be seen, or do something vulnerable.

She’s calmer than you.

More grounded.

Less messy.

More confident.

More certain.

And because she feels so polished and complete, your present self - the one with doubt, nerves, imposter syndrome and unfinished edges - never quite feels ready enough.

So you wait to become her before you act.

But here’s the thing.

If you separate who you are now from who you want to be, all you’re really doing is creating distance. Distance between your desire and your reality. Distance between your courage and your action. Distance between your life as it is and your life as it could be.

The subtle way this keeps you stuck

When we idealise a future version of ourselves, we subconsciously set an impossible standard.

That version of you exists without context. Without real-life pressure. Without risk. Without rejection. Without the discomfort of doing things for the first time. And because of that, she’s safe.

But safety doesn’t create movement - it creates hesitation.

We tell ourselves:

“I’ll speak up when I’m more confident.”
“I’ll share my work when it’s better.” (I’m guilty of this one!)
“I’ll put myself out there when I feel ready.”

Except ‘ready’ never arrives fully formed - and so nothing happens.

What becoming your higher self actually looks like

Here’s the reframe that changed everything for me:

You don’t become your higher self and then take action. You become her by taking action.

In imperfect, real-time, slightly uncomfortable ways. Because becoming a higher version of yourself isn’t a future event. It’s a present-moment practice, achieved by taking small (and often brave) actionable steps or decisions, even if your nervous system is telling you it’s not safe.

That could look like:

Speaking even though your voice is shaking
Sharing the things before it feels like the polished version (welcome to this blog!)
Saying no without over-explaining
Resting before you’ve ‘earned’ it
Trying, failing, learning, and trying again

And not because you’re fearless - but because you’re willing.

When you’re willing, everything changes

Take this blog for example. I’ve had this idea to create a sanctuary for women to feel seen for years. I’ve trained as a confidence coach, written 3 different blogs in the past, learnt about human behaviour, created Facebook groups, written courses (that have never seen the light of day!) and none of it felt right. It didn’t feel like me.

Why?

Because I was trying to fit into boxes I thought felt more appealing to other people. I thought I had to create and deliver coaching programmes that created lasting change for people. I was waiting to be good enough to create a perfectly polished platform. But all that did was create more and more distance between me and the version of myself that I knew I really was.

The truth is that I’m a writer at my core. I communicate best and reach people the most when I just write.

And what does a writer do? They write! So I started writing.

Is everything laid out exactly how I want it to be? No! Does it actually matter?! NO! What matters is that I’m doing it. I’m making small steps everyday to embody the person I am at my core, and now I’m actually doing it…it’s not that scary after all!

I’m writing about things that I’ve learnt over the last 10 years on this wild journey of self-discovery. About why we, as women, feel the way we do. About energy and the importance or protecting yours. About how we can live for many years with ‘Good Girl Syndrome’ and not even know it - yet the fear of disappointing and making mistakes keeps us paralysed.

And if it’s not for everyone? Well that’s ok! It doesn’t alter the joy and creative expression I get from writing. And if it connects with just one woman and makes her think, “That’s me! I’m not alone and I finally feel seen!” then I’ve done my job.

Imperfect action is the bridge

We tend to think embodiment comes after confidence. In reality, it’s the other way around.

Confidence is built through action.

Clarity comes through movement.

Self-trust is earned by showing up for yourself in small ways, over and over again.

If the women you want to be is expressive - express something now.

If she’s honest - tell the truth on one small moment today.

If she’s grounded - pause and listen to your body before you respond.

This is how the gap between your higher self and your current self closes.

Stop measuring. Start being.

That isn’t to say that your ‘higher self’ concept is redundant - I absolutely believe that visualising your higher self and what she embodies is a really helpful tool. But it’s just that - a tool. It’s your sat-nav, showing you a version of the end destination - but it isn’t a fixed ‘prize’.

When you stop holding yourself up against an imagined future version, something softens. You’re no longer trying to prove you’re ready. You’re no longer auditioning for your own life. You’re no longer waiting until you feel ‘worthy’. You’re no longer postponing joy until you’ve passed some invisible test.

Instead, you start meeting yourself when you are now, and moving forward from there. You learn as you go. You discover what you’re capable of. You build evidence instead of expectations.

And guess what? You’ll probably enjoy yourself along the way.

A quieter way forward

This isn’t about reckless leaps or forcing yourself to be brave all the time. It’s about trusting that whatever unfolds when you show up honestly is likely what you’re meant to learn from next.

You don’t need to ‘be her’ just yet - you just need to stop abandoning yourself now.

Your higher self isn’t waiting for you in the future. She’s built - moment by moment - when you choose to be present, imperfect and real.

And the best part? We get to choose that every single day.

Join us me the comments below! Share your experiences with gratitude, or try this simple exercise today: Take a moment to appreciate something you usually take for granted. Notice how it makes you feel.